Stay at Home Moms VS Working Moms

I’ve been doing some reading lately.  I’m writing my first book, From Board Rooms to High Chairs, a practical, hands-on guide for moms transitioning out of the work force and in to their home – full time.  So, I have been reading a lot of books about being a stay at home mom.  If I’m going to write one, I have to know what has already been written, right?

I’m quickly learning that my book is a lot different than what is already out there.  My book is so very practical that it can almost be called a “how to” manual.  But it’s not!  It’s of course, called From Board Rooms to High Chairs.  What I have noticed in most books so far, though, is that they talk a lot about more abstract ideas, such as self-worth, identity, feminism, and etc.  And while I think all of these things are very important, at the end of the day, a mom just wants to know that she did the best for her kids.  She wants them bathed, fed, clothed, played with, stimulated, educated and otherwise loved.  So my book is more about how to do that than it is on how to keep your identity outside of your home (although there is some on that as well….).

With that said, I have noticed a general theme among the books I’ve been reading.  There seems to be an “us versus them” attitude.  There is a lot of discussion around being a stay at home mom versus a working mom, what’s better for you, what’s better for your kids, what is better for the feminist movement, and what is better for society.  While I certainly have my own thoughts on all of that, from Board Rooms to High Chairs will not discuss any of it in great depth.  It may touch on it, but that’s about it.

What I do wonder, though, is this: Do moms in today’s world still feel this way?  Do moms still need to “justify” why they are choosing to stay home with their kids; do they still need to “justify” why they are going to work and putting their kids in to daycare?  Because, I have done both in my life, so I can look at it from both perspectives.

To me, it’s kind of a non-issue.  You do what’s best for you and your family.  End of story.  But, I never have gotten in to office politics and the overall, big picture.  I mean, I honestly don’t care what feminists think about me staying at home.  Or if those who believe a woman’s place is at home were upset when I went to work.  But,  without folks who do worry about those kinds of things, I wouldn’t be voting today, have an education, or worked outside the home at all – all things I appreciate having had the opportunity to do.

So at some point, it might be a good discussion to have.

I’m wondering where other moms weigh in on this?  Do you feel guilty, ever, for staying home with your kids and not working?  If so, what brings on those feelings of guilt?

Or, do you feel guilty for being a working mom?  And if so, what causes you to feel that guilt?

Or if you aren’t feeling guilty at all, in either situation, what influences the guilt-free feelings?  (Why are you so lucky?!?)

Where do you stand – stay at home mom versus working mom?

Or can we all just get along?  😉

Weigh in – let me know your thoughts in the comment section.  Thank you!


2 thoughts on “Stay at Home Moms VS Working Moms

  1. Well now you’ve opened a can or worms! 🙂 I think the entire conversation about working moms vs. SAHM moms just needs to end. Every family needs to just do what works best for them and everyone else needs to butt out. I’ve been a SAHM with a toddler, a working mom for several years and now I’m an extremely blessed SAHM of two teenagers. I prefer to be at home because it reduces our stress levels greatly. Money is nice, but time is more valuable to me at this point in my life. I celebrate the fact that I am able to choose this lifestyle and realize for many (maybe even most) people it isn’t even an option to have only one parent working. I am grateful for my “easy” life, but I refuse to feel any guilt. There have been a few that have tried to shame me, but in most cases I chalk it up to jealousy on their part which just isn’t my problem. Conversely, I did feel guilt as a working mom. Not because I was choosing to be away from my kids, but because my work environment became unhealthy and I brought that stress home with me. It’s hard when you quit your job and then your kids make comments about how much nicer you are now. Ugh! Anyway, long story short — working moms work hard, SAHMs work hard. Clearly the only ones that have it easy are the dads. (Totally kidding, of course, because we all know a lot is expected of dads these days, too!)


  2. I absolutely love your reply and couldn’t agree more! I am so sorry I brought it up. 🙂 I am surprised, though, that there are still people out there that try to shame a mom, whether working or staying home. I don’t run in to that at all. I think, with three children three and under, people just expect me to stay home full-time. I don’t get any backlash for it. That is why I had no idea that there is still that “Oh my gosh, she stays home!” mentality out there. But, when I stayed home, 17 years ago, with my first son, I did get that attitude from folks. I thought it would have died out by now. I agree… someone needs to put it to rest!


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